There's a catheter from Texas
One wears externally
If masculine your sex is
Directs the flow of pee
Down a tube into a leg bag
Worn just above the knee
And your caretakers need not change
Your sheets so frequently.

Though they're not a high use item
I sought to T&E
Another vendor's product
That's cheaper and latex free.
So I sent around an email
Worded creatively.
Some white collar wanker read it
And excreted mason'ry.

'Twould be an understatement
To say he was appalled
At the way I voiced my fears
This cath prove harder to install
Not being a clinician
I could not make that call.
Nor try one on myself
For I have not the wherewithal.

When I learned of his reaction
I laughed til I shed tears
Offered to apologize,
Perhaps allay his fears.
"Say,"I'm searching for some insight",
"And not for volunteers"
But my boss says that to do so
Likely would end my career.