Hawkin’ in town, steep Christmas trees
at 300 bucks a pop.
What I commit’s a felony,
but I’m never gonna stop.

Hawkin’ I’m not, cheap Christmas trees;
your account I’m gonna sting.
Couldn’t care less if you should cry,
as long as you bring your bling.

I admit: from you I’m stealing at this time of year.
My business model’s appalling.
Cough it up and stop your bawling.

Hawkin’ chopped-down, reaped Christmas trees,
I’ll take your money today.
It’s right to eye me warily,
before you take one away.

I admit: from you I’m stealing: that I have made clear.
My business methods, appalling…
cash in on too few spruce falling.

Galling amount for Christmas trees—
I’ll take your money today.
It’s true: I treat you unfairly;
but if you want a shrub: pay!