Once there was this kid who
Got really mad when an older kid sold him some pubes
And then, he finally got back
He made the older kid eat his parents
The older kid had to cry
In front of his favorite band

Mmm mmm mmm mmm, mmm mmm mmm mmm

Once there was this guy who
Drank enough beer to get to tour a beer factory
And when he finally got there
He drank beer that would not ever go flat
Pawtucket Pat was not pleased
And then he threw the guy out

Mmmm mmm mmm mmm, mmm mmm mmm mmm

They made much more than dirt
You can see them on shirts

And then there was this man who
Wanted to gain enough weight to be declared disabled
And then he made up a plan
He got really fat and then worked at home
A meltdown would have occurred
But his fat ass saved the whole town

Mmm mmm mmm mmm, mmm mmm mmm mmm
Mmm mmm mmm mmm, mmm mmm mmm mmm